25 Sat, 2010 § Leave a comment
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti
I cannot help myself during this time of year. I always have the urge to end correspondences [letters, emails, cards] with this mantra.
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti
Peace Peace Peace
Each shanti, or peace, is chanted in response to three distinct “disturbances“.
Maybe it is because this festive time of year becomes so noisy & frenzied that I hope those I love — all people actually — take the time to find quiet, nurture what truly matters & embrace utter happiness.
I truly do love you, my friends who stop by my little blog, & feel a closeness that is at the same time strange [because we do not actually know each other] & wonderful [because it is still real].
So this season — & the remainder of your lives — may you find
Peace in the World.
Peace, beautiful Peace.
with love, Allie
1 Wed, 2010 § Leave a comment
While desperately scouring antique stores yesterday for the match to a gift for my grandpa, I came across a reminder…
a reminder of the couple I never want to be.
She was rude & condescending.
He was submissive & defensive.
She berated him repeatedly for such minor things; one of them being “stealing her food” which he had bought & brought in for them to share. She was completely livid at this thought. He seemed lost. He seemed sad. She seemed habitually annoyed.
She was a seller setting up her booth. They have been together 21 years. I know this because “after 21 years he still doesn’t know what will set her off” [she actually said something to this extent].
All I thought was, “wow, you’ve been like this for 21 years?”
Obviously it was a bit awkward being there…but there was this adorable pin behind glass across the aisle!
The terrifying thing? I see this woman in myself occasionally — to a much smaller extent of course…I’m never a cruel, B. 😉
Seriously though, I know there are many beautiful couples out there whose love has only grown over the years…but I see a lot of older, snipish, mean women with their husbands. Why is this?
It might seem harsh, but I’m harsh when it comes to people treating those they are supposed to love more than anything like they despise them.
I am not actually afraid of becoming this couple…but sometimes it is good to witness that reminder…so you can strive to love only.
Even if this reminder makes me really, really sad.
What are you going to do today to show those you love that you actually love them?
5 Thu, 2010 § 2 Comments
I am Inadequate.
This is the self doubt with which I have been struggling recently. What is it they say? “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”? Apparently, I have given permission…to myself.
I have allowed the pressures of conventional requirements for modern “survival” engulf me, interfering with my personal ideal of living & happiness. I have been questioning my career path…my worth…whether I pull my weight. I have been tackling this demon head on; but last night, I needed a break.
~ I made cookies. ~
It is difficult to dwell on my own sense of inadequacy when immersed in a task centered around another person – especially if that task turns out delicious & is well received.
Sleepiness caught up, & I knowingly made a rare blunder I could only regret: I left the kitchen in disarray. Mixing bowls, measuring cups, cookie sheets…filled the sink, spilling over the edges.
This morning I knew what waited downstairs as I approached with dread. I hate waking up to a mess; I even have a difficult time enjoying dinner when I know there is a mess in the kitchen.
I rounded the corner into our small dining room & sat at the table, because I was not ready to tackle the sink. I did not even want to look at it yet. Finally I glanced. I sat there staring for the longest time, smiling…at the empty sink. I love when he does this.
Relief settled, & I was overwhelmed with a sense of being loved & valued.
How does his thoughtful act renew my sense of worth? Perhaps it is reciprocated appreciation. Maybe it is acknowledging someone needs me – & cares enough to show — admitting to myself the happiness I bring to his life. Maybe love really is all you need.
I am not going to over-analyze it. Today I am carrying that love with me. I am reminded of what is truly imperative & will not sweat the rest. Not today. Other feelings might creep back in until more solidly resolved. Now, enveloped in love, I feel adequate. Now, in this moment, I am ok. 🙂
That is all we are given anyway, right? This moment.
I will take what it offers & leave the rest. When I try to grasp every particle this crazy world throws at me…discern, analyze, attach…I am left empty-handed…it transmits to my heart.
This moment, I smile, & this moment & this moment & this moment…
How often do we overlook or dismiss the value we hold in others’ eyes? How often do our relationships become commonplace, disregarded or stressed with the pressure of our own expectations? Today, remember who you are to someone else [friend, lover, partner, mother, father, teacher…] Try to see yourself as he does. Whom do you value in your life? Does she know – really know? No act is too small to convey – or create – a river of emotion.
Who knew an empty sink would fill my heart so & renew my sense of self worth?
Thank you Dave.