NYE Mulling

3 Mon, 2011 § 5 Comments

I have never made New Year’s resolutions.

I think I have always just known, they don’t last.  One day doesn’t suddenly make the difference.  My friend, Ashley, tends to agree & made some really great points in her NYE post.  She gave me a lot to mull over on my snowy hike with Eisley on Friday [& another potential book to add to my ever-growing list].

How often do the “next-day” resolutions last?  When we say, “on New Year’s Day I will”  or “Monday starts a new week, I’ll do it then”, how often do we follow through?

“The day” often comes & goes by, & we realize we forgot to do what we had intended…or we make excuses & postpone it…or as soon as we mess up, we scrap it.

What changes do last?

Those that we start now.  The changes we are motivated to make the moment they hit us.

I appreciate setting goals & time-lines to keep us focused, but most important is what we are doing now to make these changes.  Specific occasions, like New Year’s, offer a good reminder to reflect on the person we are & how we might like to change.

What did I discover as I reflected during our walk?  Things feel off.  I have never been at this place before & know I am at risk of falling into old habits.  Intentions speak strongly to me & offer a tool I can use now.  [If you didn’t click on Ashley’s post, you really should go read it.]  I agree with Pico Iyer from the Wall Street Journal:

“The best resolution to make this New Year’s Day might be to open your eyes to everything around you—while also recalling that most of our lofty resolutions will ultimately come to naught.”

The last couple years my main intention has been focused toward opening my eyes & embracing the present.  I have realized the end [goal] does not justify a miserable path of pursuance.  I might die before tomorrow comes.  Am I happy with how I pursued today, especially concerning my interactions with others?  I can surely continue to improve my state of presence & seeing all things with a fresh perspective, & this is something I will always strive to develop.  It will help me face my situation now, to know “the only peace of mind I could find is from realizing how little I could bend circumstances to my will.” ~Pico Iyer

That is not quite enough right now though.  There is something else going on inside — the reason for feeling off — something I need to face & articulate.  It has been a constant, wavering reflection lately that I am having the most difficult time actually putting into a solid thought, let alone words.  Perhaps I am only avoiding it; I find myself unable to focus on it for long, but it is always there.

The closest I can come to articulating it is I need to acknowledge & appreciate my own worth & value & what I offer & am capable of doing.

The “how” is hazy like this photo, but the intention is there & has been for the last couple weeks.  I will nurture it every day into clarity, especially because I am surrounded by love & support of family & good friends [which includes you].  I am happy & doing well but can sense I am near the brink of a meltdown if I am not mindful & loving to myself.

2011 will be a happy year.  Today will be a happy day.

~

We rang in the new year rather quietly, bundled up inside, hiding from the cold with comedies & “gourmet” grilled cheese open-faced sandwiches [on my mind since Natalie’s Christmas party] of local artisan bread, sheep’s brie, oregano & braised artichoke hearts along with apple & fennel chutney over wilted greens.

The star of our night is in the glass to the right though.

The bottle of ’09 Opera Prima Tempranillo alone was ok.  Not especially dry & not too sweet, but it lacked the full-bodied flavor we normally like.  Once we heated & steeped it with some spices though…Yum.

Warm, Spicy Wine from The Kind Diet

It has been in the negative degrees here!  A warm drink was essential NYE.

I halved the recipe, used only 2 T of maple & combined all of the ingredients other than Madeira, which I believe is a Portuguese wine, & steeped it for ~2 hours before slowly heating it again, then straining.  I am not sure what we were missing out on by not having the added Madeira, but we certainly could not taste what it might have been lacking.  My fear was it would become too sweet, but the acidity of the oj may have been what balanced out the sweetness, & the spices were wonderful.  This is a holiday cold-weather-drink keeper!

~

How did you celebrate NYE?  Do you make resolutions?  Or are you a goals or intentions setter?

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§ 5 Responses to NYE Mulling

  • Ashley says:

    I know this may not bring ‘light’ to your struggle in articulating your own self worth, but I want you to know how much I love and value and cherish you. You are an amazingly strong woman. You have an open mind and respect for others that I strive to match. You have offered me joy, friendship, insight to life’s meaning, humor, simplicity and above all, support and love. You are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to. It isn’t about discovering what you are capable of doing, but of discovering what will make you happy, what will give your life additional satisfaction (for no act of yours will increase your intrinsic worth), and what will be worth the journey. Our lives are often ‘hazy’ but more than the haze, I see the strong shadows the wisp’s create. You are in transition…embrace it and know that whatever the future holds, you are amazing.

    • Allie says:

      I love you Ashley.

    • Allie says:

      You are beautiful & insightful. “no act of yours will increase your intrinsic worth;” this is especially profound. I am discovering happiness. The transition has just been rough — I have felt like the non-contributing zero in our marriage/partnership but know that isn’t really the case. You have brought so much happiness, love, fun & insight into my life. I truly do miss you & am grateful we have remained close though far away.
      Embrace every moment, right? We are all amazing. 🙂

  • Natalie says:

    Even though we have only been friends for a few months, you have already impacted my life! I wish you could see in yourself what others clearly see in you.

    I encourage you to keep your heart open and challenge those thoughts…you are good enough just as you are, right now.

    • Allie says:

      Good enough as I am right now?…ok, I can embrace this. 🙂 “I wish you could see in yourself what others clearly see in you.” This is funny, because Dave has said this to me in the past. I finally saw it — still see it — this transition is just a little draining. You & Ashely have said it though: embrace this time. I have been savoring it more so the last couple weeks. Thank you for your loving words & even more for your friendship. I truly do cherish our connection.

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