Empty Sink = Full Heart

5 Thu, 2010 § 2 Comments

I am Inadequate.

This is the self doubt with which I have been struggling recently.  What is it they say?  “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”?  Apparently, I have given permission…to myself.

I have allowed the pressures of conventional requirements for modern “survival” engulf me, interfering with my personal ideal of living & happiness.  I have been questioning my career path…my worth…whether I pull my weight.  I have been tackling this demon head on; but last night, I needed a break.

~ I made cookies. ~

It is difficult to dwell on my own sense of inadequacy when immersed in a task centered around another person – especially if that task turns out delicious & is well received.

Sleepiness caught up, & I knowingly made a rare blunder I could only regret: I left the kitchen in disarray.  Mixing bowls, measuring cups, cookie sheets…filled the sink, spilling over the edges.

This morning I knew what waited downstairs as I approached with dread.  I hate waking up to a mess; I even have a difficult time enjoying dinner when I know there is a mess in the kitchen.

I rounded the corner into our small dining room & sat at the table, because I was not ready to tackle the sink.  I did not even want to look at it yet.  Finally I glanced.  I sat there staring for the longest time, smiling…at the empty sink.  I love when he does this.

Relief settled, & I was overwhelmed with a sense of being loved & valued.

How does his thoughtful act renew my sense of worth?  Perhaps it is reciprocated appreciation.  Maybe it is acknowledging someone needs me – & cares enough to show — admitting to myself the happiness I bring to his life.  Maybe love really is all you need.

I am not going to over-analyze it.  Today I am carrying that love with me.  I am reminded of what is truly imperative & will not sweat the rest.  Not today.  Other feelings might creep back in until more solidly resolved.  Now, enveloped in love, I feel adequate.  Now, in this moment, I am ok.  🙂

That is all we are given anyway, right?  This moment.

I will take what it offers & leave the rest.  When I try to grasp every particle this crazy world throws at me…discern, analyze, attach…I am left empty-handed…it transmits to my heart.

This moment, I smile, & this moment & this moment & this moment…

Let everything else follow.

~

How often do we overlook or dismiss the value we hold in others’ eyes?  How often do our relationships become commonplace, disregarded or stressed with the pressure of our own expectations?  Today, remember who you are to someone else [friend, lover, partner, mother, father, teacher…]  Try to see yourself as he does.  Whom do you value in your life?  Does she know – really know?  No act is too small to convey – or create – a river of emotion.

~

Who knew an empty sink would fill my heart so & renew my sense of self worth?

Thank you Dave.

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§ 2 Responses to Empty Sink = Full Heart

  • Dave says:

    I love you Allie. 🙂

  • Christine says:

    He is a good boy. And you two are so good for each other – it’s nice to see how much happiness and fun you each bring to each other’s life. If only I had someone to do my dishes…those fat, lazy cats are worthless. 🙂

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